can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
