Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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