Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok