wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.