I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm