8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened