so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
