im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
