i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
