dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
