I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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