Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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