OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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