Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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