yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
