Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
