Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
