woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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