Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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