Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
