yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
