And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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