Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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