I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
