Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
