areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we made out on top of his cat.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
