remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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