I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
