Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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