Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How does it feel to date your dad?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
