so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
