i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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