it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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