Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
