Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
