Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
