It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
