u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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