Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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