JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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