Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
