My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I could make wine with my vomit
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
