Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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