So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
