i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
