Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
