Soap is not a condiment
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
