I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
