dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
