FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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