Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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