You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
