True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
