i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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