can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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