There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
