My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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