Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
