So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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