he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
