Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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